I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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