you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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