Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
