well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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