he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As shirtless as possible
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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