it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
