I feel great
I just peed on a car
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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