How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
