they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
