Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
