I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
