I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
