Will you blow on my dice?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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