I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
