I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
