1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
