i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
