dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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