She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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