If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
