these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
