OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
