i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hello my rib-scented angel!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
