You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
