but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
