i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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