I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
