You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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