My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
