Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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