i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
