my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
