You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
