I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
