The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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