based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
