And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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