She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
