Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
