dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
