if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
