Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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