i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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