You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
