Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
