What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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