I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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