chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just found puke in my bra..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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