Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
