Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
