did you get engaged???
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
