so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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