the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
