Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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