You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
